The Need to Get Away

I’ve been told that I overthink.

It’s true. Because I like control. And facts. And details. And plans.

I’m a perfectionist. I don’t ever want to feel stupid or out of the loop. I hate letting people down. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do what people need and want me to do.

So these last nine weeks of having routines and normalcy interrupted have been really hard on me.

Some days I think to myself, “This is great. I needed rest! I needed to reset!” On those days — the good ones — I feel like a new person. I take things in stride. I don’t pressure myself to work all day, every day.

Then there are other days when I think to myself, “This sucks. I want normal. I want to feel productive! I can’t keep doing this.” Those days — the hard ones — cause me to sink into a mild depression.

The last few weeks had been especially hard. I couldn’t seem to get out from under the dark cloud. I was frustrated with people, and I’m sure people were frustrated with me. So when I had the opportunity to get away for the week, the timing was perfect. I’ve spent this week running along ocean paths, laying by the pool, reading fiction, playing with my kiddos, doing some work and sleeping better than I have in a long time.

I don’t know what the next few weeks or months will look like, except that they are still going to be different. There are still going to be good days and hard days. But for now, this week has been exactly what I’ve needed. 🖤🧡